


I can't give you much (but I'll try to give you the world)

by playitagain



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Panic Attack, and oblivious, but was scared, jj jumping to conclusions and being jealous, kie supports them so much it hurts, mentions of child abuse, pope loves jj guys, she is so cool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:35:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24478828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playitagain/pseuds/playitagain
Summary: “Holy shit,” JJ says, turning to watch the shock on Pope’s face. “He can come back.”Pope turns to him, smile on his lips as he pulls JJ into a hug. “He can come back. We’re going to be okay,” Pope breathes and suddenly JJ finds lips on his, warm and loving and happy. JJ freezes for a moment, too shocked to do much, but he is quick to come to his senses, kissing the other back, hand moving to cup Pope’s cheek.The two only pull apart when Mr. Heyward clears his throat and JJ instantly springs back, cheeks heating. Shit. He totally forgot the two of them were there. This was not good.
Relationships: JJ/Pope (Outer Banks)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 186





	I can't give you much (but I'll try to give you the world)

**Author's Note:**

> I was writing a request and this happened instead. I don't know where it came from, but it didn't fit my request at all so I'm just posting it as a separate story. I hope you enjoy.

It’s weird when one day Pope touches him and his heart starts to pound in his chest. He thinks it’s just because Pope’s touch is gentle and kind in a way he hasn’t experienced in a very long time. He thinks it’s because they’re friends, best friends, and Pope puts up with all of his shit. He even goes along with some of their craziest schemes with just enough of a level head to reel JJ in without making him feel suffocated. 

The problem is that it keeps happening and JJ can’t shake the feeling. It’s the same feeling John B described to him when he had this crush on a girl in seventh grade. It’s the same feeling that people describe in movies when they like someone. It’s the same feeling JJ has only ever had once before and he had been quick to squash those feelings, shove them down until they went away, which is exactly what he was going to do now. 

It’s hard to get over someone (is it even called getting over someone when you weren’t together and thus have never broken up?) when you hang out with them all the time. Sophomore year is tough for them. Kie leaves and John B hails himself up in his house, only leaving for school and necessities after his father disappears. They hang out with John B as much as the other will let him but it’s mostly just JJ and Pope hanging out. They surf (Pope is actually improving), go to parties, work for Pope’s dad and still get into a bit of trouble even though Pope protests every time. 

Pope actually has him doing homework and going to school more often. JJ finds that he can’t say no to Pope when he asks JJ to hang out while they study and JJ finds himself actually doing a bit of studying himself. Pope even helps him with his work, explaining things in a way JJ can actually understand. JJ would normally spend afternoons with John B, before all this happened, avoiding his homework and his home, but he couldn’t get away with not doing his work with Pope and he wasn’t about to go home earlier than he had too. 

By the time the summer comes JJ is totally smitten. He doesn’t even know how that word came into his vocabulary but he thinks Kie said it once and JJ can’t find another word to describe his feelings. It’s easier to shove them down with John B and Kie around though, who both seem to come to their senses at the beginning of the summer and the pogues are finally back, hanging out on the boat and drinking all day long. JJ hates that he misses his one on one time with Pope so much but the pogues are a good distraction from his feelings. 

But then the treasure hunt starts. 

John B is completely off the rails. He is determined to find this gold, follow in his dad's legacy, but the problem is that his dad is dead and JJ is worried this will lead to them dead. JJ has never been the level headed one of the group though, always up for an adventure, so he doesn’t complain as he goes along with the plan and somehow ends up in more fights than he can remember. 

There is one moment that he almost drops out. It’s after he finds himself in jail, one of the worst nights of his life as his father’s fists connect with his face and the words hit JJ hard. It’s unbearable and now he owes more money than he’s ever even seen. And yes, the gold would help, but the gold was a pipe dream and he needs cash now. 

John B is in his face though and he can’t say no to his friend. He finds himself in Pope’s arms soon after, the other rambling about JJ taking the fall for him. JJ wants him to shut up and he says as such. Tells him to just trust JJ. JJ would do anything to make sure Pope’s future is bright. He would also do anything to have the other hold him that close again. He’s a bit awkward when he pulls away, patting Pope’s neck a few times before placing an awkward kiss there. Their gaze lingers for a moment, and JJ’s heart pounds in his chest before he wants to lean forward and kiss the other. Tell him he would take the fall for anything so long as Pope’s future stays bright. The other is pulling away at the call of his father and JJ remembers he has a job to do and that’s the end of that. 

Shit gets real after that and somehow it ends up being Kie, Pope and JJ and it’s hard to ignore the tension. The drug money is only a temporary fix and JJ hates his father so much. He is so consumed with his emotions of hatred and sadness and anger that he buys a hot tub and drinks his misery away. It’s nice when Kie hugs him, broken and worn from years of abuse, but JJ just wants to crumble in Pope’s arms, let the other hold him close. He doesn’t though, he simply lets them both hang on until they coax him into bed that night. 

It’s hard to lose the gold twice, but watching Pope crumble is harder. The other hasn’t smoked and JJ is reluctant to hand it over, frowns when the other coughs and coughs as he takes his first inhale. 

It hurts when the other says he loves Kiara. There is an ache in his chest that JJ pushes down as they try to help John B. He focuses on that. He focuses on helping his friend, but it’s hard when he watches the two kiss, nearly breaks his heart in two. 

But then John B dies. 

JJ never knew someone could have their heart shatter twice in one day, but it does. He watches Pope, the love of his life, kiss Kiara and then only a few hours later their friend is dead, probably sinking to the bottom of the ocean never to be seen again. 

JJ is thankful when the Heywards let him in, hold him close because his father would never show up, would probably hit him if he had. JJ doesn’t even want to know what will happen when his father finds out about the boat, now at the bottom of the ocean with his friends. This wouldn’t be a problem if he hadn’t given them the boat in the first place and suddenly he realizes this is his fault. He didn’t have to give them the boat, encourage them to run in a fucking hurricane. 

Then he is watching Pope and Kie, holding each other close and it hurts on a whole different level. He feels like he just lost all of his friends in the same night, one to the crash of the ocean and the other two to each other. 

He doesn’t know where to go though. He can’t go home, the hands of his father probably waiting for him. He can’t go to John B’s because his friend is dead and he can’t be in a house they shared together, memories flooding his already broken heart. 

It’s how he finds himself standing awkwardly in Pope’s room, tears streaming down his cheeks and heart broken in two. Pope is sitting on his bed, tears dried on his cheeks and JJ wants to curl up into him, whip his tears away, hold him. He can’t though. He takes a shower instead, coming into the room to grab some clothes. They offer an air mattress at some point and JJ simply says he’ll take the couch, at least for tonight because he doesn’t want to impose, doesn’t want to keep the Heywards up later than they already are and he doesn’t want to sleep in the same room as Pope, watching the boy he loves sleep only a few feet away from him. So he sleeps on the couch, blanket pulled up to his shoulders and cries until he can’t anymore. He cries until he falls asleep, exhausted and weary, only to be woken up by the nightmare of his friends drowning in the ocean, his father’s voice telling him that it is all his fault. 

——————————

JJ rubs the sleep from his eyes, pain prickling his skin at the touch. He can smell breakfast and JJ can’t remember the last time he woke up in a house that smelt like bacon and eggs. It has his stomach grumbling and his mouth watering. 

It hits him the second he gets up though. John B is gone, body in the sand at the bottom of the ocean and it’s all his fault. It’s his fault he gave the other the boat. It’s his fault he supported this whole escape plan in the cover of a hurricane. Fuck. He killed his best friend. He killed Sarah. 

Then he sees Pope, tired and weary and his heart breaks all over again as he watches the kiss reply in his mind. He suddenly needs to leave. He needs to run from this place and drink his way into a blackout so he could forget this ache in his chest. The problem is that Mrs. Heyward is looking at him, smile small and weary as she makes him a plate of food. JJ doesn’t have the heart to run away from her, not right now. It’s been a long time since an adult was kind to him and it makes the pain in his heart a little more bearable as he sits across from Pope. They don’t talk as JJ shoves food into his mouth. The sooner he finishes breakfast, the sooner he can find himself a nice little spot to smoke and drink himself into misery. 

He does just that, giving Mrs. Heyward a small painful smile when he hands her the plate at the sink. She simply gives him a small nod. JJ wants to thank her, but words are stuck in his throat. She seems to understand though and JJ is thankful as he hurries out of the house, ignoring his name on Pope’s lips. The same lips that were kissing Kie just a day ago. The same lips he had dreamed of kissing night after night. 

He hates that he finds himself at John B’s house. It makes sense though. The Chateau has been their sanctuary for years. It had been an escape from their life and a place where their small family was born. There wasn’t much of a family now though, because John B is dead and Pope and Kie are off macking on each other despite their rule. 

JJ simply sighs as he stands in front of the house, wiping as the new tears leaking from his eyes. He can’t remember the last time he cried this much. It was probably the day his mother left, his father going on to blame him with his fists. 

The end of the dock calls his name and he walks across the rickety wood, digging in his pocket for the blunt he knows is there from the night before. He lets his feet hang over the side of the dock, feet touching the water and calming him in a way the ocean always has. He is about to light up when his phone rings, startling him. 

JJ digs into his pocket for the device, frowning when he doesn’t recognize the number. He assumes it’s simply a robocall and places the phone down next to him. It rings again though and JJ frowns as he recognizes the same number across the screen. It peaks his interest enough to answer. 

“JJ, it’s John B.” JJ nearly drops the phone in the water, barely catching it before it crashes into the old wood of the dock. 

“What the fuck? Is this a joke?” 

“No, JJ. We survived the crash and a boat picked us up. We are on our way to the Bahamas.” 

JJ is speechless for a moment because John B is alive and well and he just cried for hours over a friend who was perfectly fine, if a little water logged. There was still the fact the other was accused of murder, but he was safe. JJ didn’t kill his best friend. He didn’t kill Sarah. 

“Fuck,” he finally breaths, fingers running through his hair as he tries to process this. He just spent the whole night grieving his friend. Is this even real? How was this even possible? They said the boat had gone down. There was no sight of them. How could they have missed two people stranded in the middle of the ocean? “How?”

“JJ, we’re going for the gold.” John B ignores JJ’s question. 

“What the hell are you talking about? The gold is gone. It’s in the Baha-” JJ pauses a moment as he realizes what John B just said “-mas.” Holy shit. Did John B somehow get himself on a boat that was going to the gold? That asshole could be really lucky sometimes. 

“It is,” John B says and JJ is up now, pacing the dock because the gold is in their sights again. They could be rich. This could actually work out. John B didn’t almost die for nothing. 

“I’ll be on a plane soon. I’ll meet you there,” JJ says without much thought. He doesn’t want to be here anyway. He couldn’t be around whatever Kie and Pope were. He needed a distraction and the gold had provided a good one for a while. It could definitely do it again. 

“No.” The words are stern. John B is leaving no room for argument. “They think we’re dead. We can’t tip them off. No one can know. If you come, it might raise some eyebrows.” 

JJ can’t help the disappointment in his chest. He just gave John B everything he had and the other was telling him not to come. He wasn’t leaving any wiggle room and JJ knows he can’t argue. John B was right. If JJ left, it would definitely raise some eyebrows especially if the Camerons found out he was going to the Bahamas. Fuck. How was he going to just stick around here and watch Pope and Kie be in love? 

“Are you sure, man? I could just disappear. I’m sure no one would notice.” JJ doesn’t think anyone would notice he was gone. It isn’t like anyone would care. 

“Yeah, man. I want you here, but we can’t risk it. We’re close. We could do this.” 

JJ sighs, “Yeah, fine.” Then he thinks back to what John B said about not telling anyone and wondered if Pope and Kie were on that list. “Have you called Pope and Kie yet?” He hates saying their names together, like they’re a couple. He also hates that their names sound good together. 

“We’re calling them next,” John B explains and the conversation is basically over then. John B says that he has to go. He asks for Kie and Pope’s numbers (because he could only remember JJ’s off the top of his head, phones drowned in the ocean) and tells JJ to be careful, to stay out of trouble, that they will be in touch and hangs up the phone. 

JJ hates that he has to go talk to Kie and Pope. He isn’t ready yet, but they need to talk about their friends. They need to talk about this giant secret holding them all together. 

—————————-

JJ takes a deep breath as he walks up to the Chateau for the second time today. He’s spent the last hour walking around, avoiding anyone who might hold a grudge against him and the other pogues. The walk has cleared his head, but now it’s just clouded with questions as he prepares himself to walk up to his two friends, sitting awkwardly across from each other on the dock. 

“JJ!” Kie calls when she finally notices him. He sighs as he walks over to the two of them, glancing between them. He feels like he just walked in on something, but he isn’t exactly sure what. “Can you believe it?” Kie is up now, pulling him into a hug and he can’t believe that just last night they were all hugging and grieving their friends. Now they were hugging and celebrating that they are alive. 

“JB always seems to pull through,” JJ says, because it’s true. 

“I can’t believe they’re alive,” Pope says, standing up as well. He shifts a bit awkwardly before he pulls JJ into a hug, arms right around JJ, warm. JJ wants to sink into it and hold Pope close, never let him go, but he can’t. It will never happen. He has to force himself to pull away, taking his hat off to run his fingers through his hair before he places it back on his head. 

“Yeah,” JJ agrees, eyes glancing between the two of them. He wants to ask. He wants to know if this is going to be a thing, if he’s the permanent third wheel. He realizes he would be the third wheel with John B too, but it wouldn’t hurt so much because he wasn’t in fucking love with one of them. 

Pope and Kie glance at each other and JJ watches them have a conversation with their eyes. It’s then that Kie puts on a smile and excuses herself from the conversation, giving JJ one last hug before she is off, citing a shift at work for her quick departure. 

Pope turns to JJ when she is out of sight, shuffling his feet a bit awkwardly. “Where are you staying?” He asks and JJ can see the worry in his eyes. He simply shrugs in answer because he doesn’t know. He figures that he could crash at John B’a but he isn’t sure how long the house will be vacant now that it’s one resident is presumed dead on top of the fact he’s never enjoyed being alone. “You can stay with us. My mom already asked if she should pull out the air mattress for our permanent guest.”

And JJ wants to say no. He wants to pull away from the other. This might be his chance to take some time for himself and try to get over Pope. It would be easy to avoid the pair since they’ll probably be wrapped up in each other, but he also knows Pope is a bit persistent and he doesn’t really want to stay at John B’s empty house alone. Fuck. He was going to have to find another way to get over this whole Pope thing. Maybe seeing them together will help. 

“I don’t want to impose,” he tries, because he has to at least try, but Pope is already arguing, barely lets him get the words out. 

“It isn’t an imposition. My dad already said it’s fine so long as you help out at the shop. Don’t worry, he has the same agreement with me,” Pope jokes, smile pulling up his lips and JJ can’t help the chuckle that leaves his.

“Fine,” JJ sighs, and Pope simply smiles at him, bright and warm and JJ’s heart skips as he looks at the other. Fuck. He should have just run the other way and disappeared for a while. This was so stupid. 

“My dad said we could have a few days but I think he thinks that getting back to normal will help us cope or something,” Pope explains and JJ nods at Pope. “We’re going to have to pretend to still be upset.” Pope has a good point but JJ thinks it will be easier for him. He is still hurting, just over something completely different, something that JJ will bury until his dying breath. 

“I know,” he comments and Pope nods, frown tugging down his lips. They don’t say much after that. Pope simply leads the way home and JJ follows behind, smoke trailing behind him as takes a few puffs from his vape pen. 

——————————-

JJ doesn’t know what he was thinking. He can’t get over Pope by being around Pope all the time. The day has been excruciatingly long, the only reprieve was when he found himself a nice window to sit by in the empty house to finally light up the blunt that has been burning a hole in his pocket all day. 

It also doesn’t help that he has no clothes at Pope’s house and when the night rolls around the other is standing there with a pair of pajama pants and a T-shirt for JJ to wear to bed. He has to swallow the lump in his throat as he takes the clothes, because the idea of wearing Pope’s clothes has his heart pounding and his mind wandering to places that it really shouldn’t. 

“Let me get the air mattress,” Pope says and JJ frowns because he doesn’t think he can sleep in Pope’s room which is where he understands the air stress is going. 

“No, I’ll just sleep on the couch. I don’t mind,” JJ insists. Mrs. Heyward is standing in the door, a frown tugging down her lips as she looks at the two. JJ has to remember that they are supposed to be sad about their friend and forces himself to look a little sadder, though he thinks it doesn’t make much of a difference because looking at Pope already hurts so much he is pretty sure it shows on his face. It’s at least a good cover. 

“Honey, we get up early for work. We wouldn’t want to disturb you.” JJ knows that you can’t fight with Pope’s mother. They have only met on a few occasions but Pope has complained about her countless times. She always manages to get him to do what she wants no matter what and JJ thinks that he wouldn’t mind that if he had a mother, but his is long gone, the only thing left of her a small letter sitting in his room and bracelet he had stolen from his father’s room just after she left but before he throw all of his mother's stuff away. 

JJ has to swallow the lump in his throat and he nods his head, watching her walk away in a hurry. “There’s an extra toothbrush by the sink. We’ll set up the air mattress while you get ready.” 

JJ doesn’t know what to say because he hasn’t had people care about him this much in a long time. He hasn’t had someone making a bed for him and providing him with a safe home ever actually and it causes an ache in his heart where the hole his mother’s abandonment causes him. It causes him to realize how nice it is to have people who care about him and suddenly makes him want Pope even more because now he thinks about what it would be like to have the other and to be part of this family and it would be so warm. But then he remembers Kie is with Pope and his father, waiting for him to come home, because JJ had to go home eventually. He couldn’t impose forever. 

He brushes his teeth on autopilot, listening to the sound of the air pump. The mattress is ready when he gets there, an old set of sheets already on the bed. Mrs. Heyward places a hand on his shoulder for only a moment and JJ can’t help but flinch at the touch, because he hasn’t experienced a gentle touch from an adult in a long time. It causes a frown to tug down Mrs. Heyward’s lips, but she doesn’t comment as she says goodnight to the pair of them, closing the door behind her. 

JJ doesn’t say anything as he collapses on bed, the lack of sleep from the previous night and the events of the day finally catching up to him. He isn’t even in the bed for five minutes before his eyes are drifting closed and Pope’s soft snores fill the room. 

JJ falls asleep that night knowing John B is safe, but knowing Pope will never be his. 

\---------------------

It’s two days later when the sheriff department shows up at Pope’s door. JJ watches the way the three of them tense, eyeing each other as they huddle a bit closer. JJ stands to the side of the group, reaching into his pocket for his vape pen. 

“We need to talk to Pope and JJ,” the officer says, and JJ swallows the lump in his throat. Fuck. It never ended well for JJ when he ended up at the station. Would they call his father? Were they getting arrested for helping John B, an alleged murderer, escape?

“What do you want with them?” Mr. Heyward asks, hand on his son's shoulder. JJ can barely see the sheriff on the other side of the door, taking a long puff that relaxes his muscles just enough. “They’re minors.”

“We have a few questions about John B and Sarah. The murder case is still open even though they have been presumed dead,” the officer explains and JJ swallows the lump in his throat because John B and Sarah aren’t dead and he knows Pope isn’t the best at lying. 

“We’ll be going with them,” Mr. Heyward states and JJ is suddenly thankful. He thinks they’ll refrain from calling his father if the other is there. 

The sheriff nods, “you can follow me to the station.”

Mr. Heyward nods, turning to his son, a hand on each shoulder. “We’ll be with you the whole time,” he reassures and Pope simply nods. JJ can see the worry on his face and JJ knows the other is terrified. It’s the same look he had when they showed up to arrest him only a few days ago for sinking a boat. JJ had felt so sick in that moment he had taken the fall for the other. He had dealt with this before, he could handle it. He never wanted Pope to have to deal with this. 

Pope and JJ are left to stand in the doorway for a moment and JJ places a hand on Pope’s shoulder. “Remember, deny, deny, deny,” JJ says. Pope simply nods and JJ can see that he is terrified and suddenly he is pulling the other to his chest, holding him close. “It will be fine. They don’t have proof we helped. They’re just scaring us.”

Pope nods against his shoulder, arms gripping the back of JJ’s shirt (it’s actually Pope’s) and holds him for a moment longer before pulling back. JJ watches as the other evens his breathing before he walks out the door, letting JJ follow him out before he locks it. 

————————

JJ is right. They don’t have anything on them. They weren’t with John B during the murder and they weren’t seen with him the day he spent running from the police. They can’t even say he was in the car with the three of them without the proof of a camera, because it could have been anyone in that car. It could have been a pile of coats even with eye witnesses. $25,000 was a lot of money that could cloud people’s minds into thinking it was John B. They can’t even trace the boat, now at the bottom of the ocean, long gone and in the sea. They could find it at some point, but it wasn’t going to be held against them for now. Even if it was, JJ could easily take the fall, because he would take the fall for Pope time and time again to make sure the other had a bright future. 

They do ask about the murder though, about John B. They ask if they think he did it, if he is guilty and they ask if they talked to him that day. They ask why he would run if they think he is innocent and JJ just wants to yell that John B was more scared of the actual murderer getting to him, because he had already murdered in the past. 

JJ is used to questioning from the police. Deny. Deny. Deny. It’s his motto, but Pope isn’t. He’s happy Pope gets to go in with his parents, have someone there to watch his back. It doesn’t ease any of JJ’s worries as he waits outside for the three of them, rubbing his sweaty palms on his shorts and pacing back and forth in the small waiting area. He wants to be in there with Pope too so he can reassure him, help him through, but he knows he can’t. He just has to trust the other can get through this and that they are on the same page. 

“Well,” the words startle JJ and he is up again, hands running through his hair as he watches the three of them come out of the room. “We can’t charge them with anything right now, but we will be keeping an eye on them.” Mr. Heyward nods and shakes his hand, one arm going to rest on his wife’s shoulders while the hand he was previously using to shake the sheriff’s is placed on Pope’s shoulder. 

JJ watches the three of them, tense and worried, walk past him. He only follows when Mrs. Heyward looks back at him, giving him a small smile and a nod. JJ hates how upset they are. He hates what they have put Pope’s parents through, and JJ is just realizing what they probably put Kie’s parents through as well. Shit. They were going to have to call her later today. 

They drive back to the Heyward house in silence and JJ just aches. Mrs. Heyward is usually chatting with a smile on her face, trying to distract them from any pain they may be feeling (because technically John B is still dead to the rest of the island). There is usually a few grunts from Mr Heyward, but JJ never misses the fond look on his face when he looks at his wife. 

“JJ, head upstairs. We need to talk to Pope,” Mr. Heyward says when they are all standing in the living room. JJ simply nods, wants to stay, but he knows he can’t but into this whole family dynamic, doesn’t belong here so he starts up the stairs, Mr. Heyward’s voice drifting up. “You have to be more careful, Pope-” JJ doesn’t want to intrude and closes the bedroom door behind him. 

He can’t imagine what is going on in their mind. Pope has never been in trouble, the first time had only been the boat and JJ had seen the fear on Pope’s face, but he also remembers it on Mr. Heyward’s and he has to swallow the lump in his throat as he changes into pajamas. It’s still early, but he figures they would simply stay in for the night.

Pope comes up only a few minutes later, looking upset and dejected. JJ frowns when he takes the other in, watching Pope basically collapse on the bed. “We have to be more careful,” Pope mumbles and JJ can barely make out the muffled voice but he can hear the tears coming. 

JJ can’t object. He simply nods as he makes a move to sit on the bed, hand resting on Pope’s back in a comforting fashion. Pope breaks then and JJ hates it. He hates seeing the other cry. The last few days have been unbearable for all of them and JJ hates seeing Pope like this, broken and worn in a way that he shouldn’t. 

“If anything happens, it’s my fault,” JJ says, because he will take the fall again. He won’t let anything happen to Pope. 

“You can’t do that,” Pope says, face shifting so JJ can see. He pushes himself up into a sitting position. JJ shakes his head, because he can do it, has done it. 

“It was my father’s boat.” JJ doesn’t leave any room for debate and Pope is looking at him, like he is seeing inside his soul. JJ’s heart is pounding as he watches the other push himself up, hand moving to JJ’s cheek. 

“This doesn’t fall on you. It wasn’t your fault. We are in this together,” Pope tells him, but JJ knows that he will take the fall no matter what. He can let Pope think they are all in this together moving forward, but he will take any fall that comes their way because he doesn't have a future. That was the future that people saw for him anyway. He might as well give them what they want. 

\------------------------

They seem to be in the clear, because a week later nothing has happened. Well, Pope and Kie are both grounded because somehow their parents know, but the sheriffs can’t find any solid evidence. JJ doesn’t know if that is the whole story. He doesn’t know why they don’t press charges, because the more JJ thinks about it, the more guilty they look. They had been driving around with John B that day, but he doesn’t know if anyone can actually place the other in the car, saw him clearly enough to come up with something. 

Then they hear the news. They hear the news that John B and Sarah have been pronounced dead, not just presumed. They have to pretend to be sad. They have to pretend to be horrified as their friends are now considered lost at sea, dead at the bottom of the ocean. JJ thinks this might be why they haven’t been taken in yet, because now their best friend is dead, a murderer is dead. 

JJ and Pope force themselves to cry when they hear the news from the sheriffs, standing outside their door. JJ has fake cried his whole life. He doesn’t have to work hard to force the tears out of his eyes. They hold each other and Mr. and Mrs. Heyward hold them close again. 

JJ and Pope go to their room early that night, both sitting on Pope’s bed. “What if they find something to charge us with? JB was in the car,” Pope exhales. He is wiping at the tears on his cheeks and JJ places a hand on his shoulder. 

“I don’t know, man.” JJ is being honest because he doesn’t know. There is no way he can know what is going to happen. All he knows is that the last few days have been unbearable. Pope is walking around on eggshells both in and out of the house. He is scared of everything and JJ just wants to make it all better. He wants to tell Pope that it will all be okay, but he doesn’t know that. He doesn’t know anything. 

“At least JB and Sarah are alive,” Pope sighs and JJ sucks in a breath when Pope leans against him, head hanging and hat covering his eyes. JJ reaches his arm around him, trying to be as comforting as he can and the two of them stay like that for a long time. “I just wish we could go back.” 

JJ does too. 

————————

JJ wishes sleep was easy for him. It never has been though. The face of his father always looms behind his eyes, his mother’s tear stained face consistent in the background. The nightmare tonight is different though. He is watching John B’s boat go down, the other screaming for help. He is watching Sarah go under next to him, tears streaming down her cheeks. He seems Pope and Kie out of the corner of his eyes, ignoring the scene in front of them as they mack on each other. 

He wakes up startled, heart pounding and vision blurring with tears. He can see his father behind John B, pointing and telling JJ that it is all his fault. JJ can’t catch his breath as he remembers the events that only happened days ago. He has to force air into his lung, eyes closed as he counts backwards. It’s something his mom had taught him before she left, to help him calm down, but he finds that it only seems to make things worse right now. 

“JJ.” There is a hand on his shoulder now and JJ flinches away, moves across the air mattress to get away from it. He can see his father in front of him for only a moment, a flash of a sneer waking him up to beat him, but it clears away to the boy that he loves. 

Pope is in front of him now, sitting on the air mattress at eye level. JJ focuses on his face, but his vision is blurry. He can see John B drowning even though he knows it isn’t true. He can see the boat going down and taking Sarah with it. It hurts to think about. 

“JJ, what are five things you see?”

JJ has to focus, sucking air into his lungs much too fast. It has him choking a bit, and he brings his hands to his hair, tugging the strands painfully, grounding him in a sense. “What?” He finally chokes out. Pope is worried. He can see it in his face. He doesn’t like worrying Pope. 

“What are five things you see?” 

JJ has to think for a moment, brain cloudy. The only thing he can see is Pope, sitting in front of him, scared to even reach out. “You,” he breaths and Pope nods. It’s hard to rip his gaze away from the other, but he looks past his shoulder. “The wall.” He sucks in a few breaths of air, “bed.” He can’t seem to get out more than more or two words at a time, but he can do this. “Sheets.” He sucks in a few breaths, “door.” 

Pope is breathing heavily in front of him and it helps ground JJ, listening to the noise. “Four things you can touch?” 

JJ looks at Pope, fingers still in his hair. “Hair,” he says, letting one of them fall to the mattress, worn sheets under his fingers. “Sheets.” He breathes and he can feel his breath evening just a bit. “Wall.” He reaches forward then, fingers moving to press against Pope’s cheek, warm and wet. “You.” 

The words bring him back to his surroundings, vision starting to clean as he looks at Pope. He can see tears coming from the other’s eyes and he wants to whip them up, tell Pope that he is fine, but words still aren’t working. 

“Three things you can hear?”

JJ doesn’t take his hand away, doesn’t let the other move as JJ thinks. It is taking his mind off the hand of his father, his friends drowning in the ocean. They are okay though. He didn’t kill them. “Fan,” he replies, focusing on the sound for a moment. He can feel his heart rate decreasing, slowing down. “Wind.” The storm had ended, taking John B and Sarah with it, but the wind hadn’t died down completely, remininents still blustering outside. “You,” because he can hear Pope in front of him, breath uneven and quick. 

“Two things you can smell?”

JJ has to think harder for this one, because he can smell weed on his clothes, but he isn’t sure what else. “Weed.” He focuses on the smells in the room, trying to place any, name something. He can feel his heart rate dropping as his breath evens. “Laundry,” he finally settles on because detergent is not coming to him right now and he makes out the faint smell of detergent still on the sheets. 

“One thing you taste?” 

JJ takes a moment's pause, realizing that his breath has evened out and his heart rate has gone down as he watches the other. “Chocolate,” he says, because the chocolate cake they had only a few hours ago still lingers on his tongue. 

Pope gives him a small smile and JJ realizes that his hand is still on his cheek. He reluctantly pulls it away, but he wants to keep it there so badly. He wants to feel Pope’s warmth. He can’t though. Pope isn’t his. He is Kie’s. “I’m fine,” he finally manages. 

Pope looks like he wants to say something, press him for answers, but he simply closes his mouth and nods sadly, moving to his own bed. JJ notices the hand hanging over the side of the bed as he lies down, lump still in his throat, but feeling better. He takes what he thinks is a small invitation and takes Pope’s hand in his. Pope gives his hand a squeeze and JJ finds he has a whole other load of problems coming to his mind now. 

—————————-

They spend the next week either around the house or on the boat, because Pope is grounded. He doesn’t know what to do with himself when they are at home, because he wants to hold Pope, itches to hold the other, but he knows he can’t. The other isn’t his. He will never be his. He smokes more than he should during this week, because it helps keep him calm, refrain from fidgeting around the house in a way he knows will annoy Pope’s parents. 

“What’s up with you and Kie?” JJ finally asks one night. The sun has set and the room is draped in darkness. The question has been fighting inside JJ’s head for a while now, because he wanted to know, but at the same time he didn’t. He had convinced himself that it was going to be bad news, that the two of them are together. He expects they’re together. 

“Nothing,” Pope mumbles and JJ can hear him shift on the bed. “I was strung out when I said I loved her even though I knew I didn’t. I just wanted to pretend my life wasn’t complicated for a moment and that was the easiest way to do that.” 

JJ had not expected that. He can’t help the way his breath catches in his throat, because he can see Pope looking over the side of his bed. He can see the other looking at him with something in his eyes that JJ can’t place. JJ swallows the lump in his throat and has to reel himself in. He can’t get his hopes up. 

“I wanted something else, something more complicated. I was just trying to run from it, but I don’t want to run anymore.” 

JJ lets hope bloom in his chest for a moment, thankful for the little bit of light the moon is providing JJ as he looks at Pope’s face. JJ wants to speak, is about to say something, but the door is opening then, causing both boys to sit up straight, like they’ve been caught red handed doing something they’re not supposed to. 

“Boy, come downstairs.”

The two of them don’t argue as they follow Mr. Heyward down the stairs. The TV is on and JJ furrows his brows when he sees a local story on the news, when he sees Rafe Cameron on the screen. 

“Rafe Cameron has been accused of murdering Sheriff Peterkin after the muder weapon was found on the beach while searching for John Routledge, who has now been exonerated of all charges, but has officially been pronounced dead. The murder weapon was registered to Ward Cameron…”

JJ stops listening then, because it’s only been a few weeks and somehow luck was on their side. This would get them in the clear, because now John B wasn’t a murderer. This met that John B would be able to come home, to join them back at OBX where they belong. 

“Holy shit,” JJ says, turning to watch the shock on Pope’s face. “He can come back.” 

Pope turns to him, smile on his lips as he pulls JJ into a hug. “He can come back. We’re going to be okay,” Pope breathes and suddenly JJ finds lips on his, warm and loving and happy. JJ freezes for a moment, too shocked to do much, but he is quick to come to his senses, kissing the other back, hand moving to cup Pope’s cheek. 

The two only pull apart when Mr. Heyward clears his throat and JJ instantly springs back, cheeks heating. Shit. He totally forgot the two of them were there. This was not good. 

“You are still grounded until further notice, Pope. School work and work are the only two things you can do,” Mr. Heyward looks at JJ. “and JJ, you’ll be sleeping on the couch moving forward.” Mr. Heyward announces a little awkwardly. JJ can’t help the smile that pulls up his lips as he nods, because he can agree to that if it means he not only gets to stay here, away from his father, but gets to be with Pope. “We’re heading to bed for the night. We expect that you’ll both be sleeping in separate rooms in twenty minutes.”

JJ is so thankful as he watches the two of them walk up the stairs before he turns back to Pope. Pope doesn’t take any time as he steps forward, hand on JJ’s cheek as he pulls him forward, kissing him with as much passion as he can muster. JJ doesn’t wait to wrap his arms around Pope’s waist, pulling him impossibly closer. 

They pull away a few minutes later, both out of breath, foreheads pressed together. “Are you sure about this? I can’t give you much.”

“But this is all I want,” Pope answers, leaning forward to connect their lips. The phone goes off before they can connect their lips and JJ sighs, pulling out his phone. It’s a number he doesn’t recognize, but for some reason he just knows it’s John B on the other end. He answers. 

“We got the gold,” John B says in greeting. 

And JJ doesn’t know how his shitty life could have turned around in a matter of twenty minutes, but he sure as hell wasn't going to complain.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just obsessed with them which everyone can probably tell. *shrugs shoulders* I hope you enjoy the story. Let me know what you think. Comments fuel me.
> 
> If you want to chat about these two hit me up on tumblr @playitaagain.


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